Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A Quiz for Your Calvinist Friends

A little quiz for your Calvinist Friends. Inspired by the ever resourceful JC Thibodaux and by a Calvinist dude named Jay Banks. Enjoy.

Genesis 25:23 The LORD said to [Rebekah], "Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger."
Q: What was in Rebekah's womb?
A. Two nations and two peoples.
B. One elect person and one reprobate person.
C. Don't even try to refer to the Old Testament for your exegesis of Romans 9. Heretic.

Ezekiel 18:23 Do I take any pleasure in the de
ath of the wicked? declares the Sovereign LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?
Q: How much pleasure does the Sovereign Lord take in the death of the wicked?
A. No pleasure
B. Much pleasure
C. No revealed pleasure, but lots of secret pleasure.

Matthew 23:37 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.
Q: Why didn't Jesus gather up those in Jerusalem, when he longed to?
A. Because they were not willing.
B. This is a mystery.
C. Hello pea brain. Jesus was speaking of general chicks, not effectual chicks.

Luke 10:30-37 [The story of the good Samaritan - the priest and Levite "pass by" the traveler, the Samaritan stops and helps.]
Q: Which of these three do you think showed mercy?
A. The Samaritan. Go and do likewise.
B. The priest and the Levite showed mercy by passing by.
C. Each person showed a different kind of mercy. If all had stopped to help, the act of the Samaritan would have been diluted.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Q: God loves what?
A. The world
B. The elect.
C. His glory.
Q: Who will not perish?
A. Whoever believes in God's only son.
B. Let me get back to you on that, I need to look up the answer on "Desiring God".
C. Francis Schaeffer won't perish, but his kid Franky was decreed to go off the deep end.

Acts 16:30,31 [The jailer] then brought them out and asked, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household."
Q: What must I do to be saved?
A. Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved.
B. Win the divine lottery.
C. The jailer was a Pelagian.

Romans 11:32 For God has bound all men over to disobedience so that he may have mercy on them all.
Q: Who does "all" refer to in this verse?
A. All
B. The elect
C. An unbiased reading of the text shows that the first all refers to everyone and the second all refers to only the elect.

1 Timothy 1:18,19 Timothy, my son, I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience. Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith.
Q: Paul says that some people have done what with their faith?
A. Some have shipwrecked their faith.
B. This is a hypothetical analogy with no real world application. It is merely used by God to ensure the perseverance of the elect.
C. Nice try. Obviously the ship was never floating in the first place.

1 Timothy 2:4 [God] wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.
Q: Who does God want to be saved?
A. All men
B. All men, but no women.
C. God really wants all men to be saved, but only in such a way that he damns most in order to maximize his glory.

1 Peter 1:1,2 Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ, To God's elect, strangers in the world, scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia, who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood: Grace and peace be yours in abundance.
Q: How are the elect chosen?
A. According to the foreknowledge of God the Father.
B. If you were elect you would already know the answer to this question.
C. Who are you oh man to talk back to Piper?

1 John 2:2 He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.
Q: Jesus is the atoning sacrifice for what and what?
A. Our sins and also for the sins of the whole world.
B. The sins of the elect, and also for the sins of the elect.
C. The correct word is "propitiation". You show your Arminian tendencies by quoting from the NIV. Read the ESV, heretic.


Revelation 3:20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.
Q: Which picture best depicts the above verse?
A. B.

Add up your score:
2 points for every A
1 point for every B
0 points for every C

25+ points - Congrats! You are predestined to be an Arminian
20-24 points - You read a lot of Norm Geisler.
15-19 points - Old school Calvinist
10-14 points - Neo-Reformed
0-9 points - James White is your homie.


bossmanham said...

The picture question is hilarious, hahaha!

Jon Earls said...

This is hilarious - you've got to turn this into a facebook app!

Joel Byer said...

Your bonus question is really good :-)

Pizza Man said...

Thanks guys, glad you enjoyed it. Jon - FB is a good idea, I'll have to see if I can figure out how to do that.

Peter Lambert said...

Hey Kev
i loved this and have sent the link to my church history class.

Tony-Allen said...

Haw haw haw, I answered c to everything.

Crowm said...

Funny stuff!

Mich said...

Too funny!
Agreed, the Pics are fabulous.

The Seeking Disciple said...

That was great! I may link to it on my blog if that is okay.

Pizza Man said...

Thanks everyone.

Roy: It would be an honor, link away!

bethyada said...

Very funny

Wesley Wong said...

:D ROFL...

TrueHope said...

This quiz is awesome, especially the picture question!!! It's also amazing how (A) stands for Arminianism, (B) stands for Between, and (C) stands for Calvinism =).

Pizza Man said...

Thanks Bethyada and Wesley. :)

True Hope - nice catch. :) I planned it that way for A and C, but never thought of a good association for B. Between works pretty good though. :)

Churchill said...

Man, it always astounds me that people in the church build ministries for the soul purpose of attacking people within the church. It seems to be that when ever a person can’t defeat an argument they resort to malicious mud slinging. I witness to atheists a lot and they respond to the gospel in the same way. A lot of the time their mocking comments reveal their ignorance and judging by what you’ve stated on this website I would say you either do not understand the doctrines of election or you refuse to understand them. I can have sympathy on the one who wrestles through it. I know what that’s like. But this seems to me to be vicious, un-graceful, and un-Christian.

Pizza Man said...

Churchill, I'm sorry that you found the post in poor taste. It is intended as a light hearted way of pointing out some of the absurdities of Calvinism. If you'll notice, most of the answers are things that Calvinists actually do believe.

The revealed / secret will of God
General / effectual call
God showing love by “passing by” the reprobate.
Defining “all” different ways.

Frankly, I find these teachings of Calvinism to absurd and un-Biblical. This is my way of pointing it out.

BTW, your comment comes across as pretty vicious and condescending in its own right.

TrueHope said...

Speaking of the secret vs revealed will of God, I've made a new xtranormal video (not intended to portray real life believers of course =): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrqs-aLfjYo&feature=channel

Too bad xtranormal doesn't let me load my own mp3's. Otherwise, I would use the "Mac vs PC" tune.

Pizza Man said...

Nice True Hope. BTW, the Calvinist dude looks a little like Wesley. :)

Rev. said...

That's funny!

Your Old School Calvinist Friend,

Pizza Man said...

Thanks Rev!

J.C. Thibodaux said...

Dude! That was so funny! My faves were the Matthew 23 and Romans 11...the bonus question was just priceless.

Pizza Man said...

Thanks J.C. :)

Daniel J Nebauer said...

Hilarious! This made me LOL:
"An unbiased reading of the text shows that the first all refers to everyone and the second all refers to only the elect."

George said...

Churchill: I agree wholeheartedly with your comment. Sarcasm is funny. Ignorance isn't.

Chris said...

Matthew 23:37 needs a letter "D" answer:
Q: Why didn't Jesus gather up those in Jerusalem, when he longed to?

D. Because their parents were not willing.

Jesus said, "how often I have longed to gather your children"