Friday, July 10, 2009

Six Ways Calvin is Better than Arminius

Well, today is the big 5-0-0 for Mr. John Calvin. Although he isn't my favorite theologian, he deserves special recognition in honor of his big day. So I humbly offer six ways that Calvin is better than Arminius.

Better Name. Calvin is a great sounding name. It's stylish enough to have its own clothing line. Arminius does not role off the tongue, and is too easily confused with a small Asian country.

Sure of Himself. Calvin knew he was right, and never changed his views. Arminius changed his theology over the years. Pretty wishy washy if you ask me.

Better Chess Player. Calvin would smoke Arminius in a game of chess. He would plan his game from beginning to end and execute it to perfection. Arminius would no doubt waste his time worrying about the pawns.

The Beard. Calvin has the way cool Z.Z. Top beard thing going. Arminius' beard is respectable, but nothing to phone home about. As a side note: Z.Z. Top would be executed if they ever showed up in Calvin's Geneva. And rightfully so.

Political Power. Calvin ran his own city-state with an iron fist. Arminius could hardly hold down a job at Leiden.

No Weenie Frill Collar. Calvin has a stylish fur collar. Arminius deserves a butt kicking for his collar. Enough said.

Happy Birthday John Calvin!


William Watson Birch said...



Kevin Jackson said...

Thanks Billy. :)

The Seeking Disciple said...

That was good. At first I was thinking, "What is this brother going to do by trashing my man Arminius?" but you did well. Thanks!

Bob Brewer said...


Great post. My wife enjoyed it too.

BTW I can really identify with Arminius in point 2.

Thanks for the light-hearted humor!

Kevin Jackson said...

Thanks Roy and Bob, glad you enjoyed it.

DonaldH said...

I needed a good laugh! ROFL!

Committed Christian said...

I have to say that is really funny...even though I'm a Calvinist!

Kevin Jackson said...

Thanks Committed Christian. :)

peter lumpkins said...


I really like this post. Cool!


With that, I am...

Kevin Jackson said...

Thanks Peter. :)

bossmanham said...

Dude how did I miss this for so long!? Hilarious!!